Perfect Love: The Remedy For Perfectionism
“but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 Amplified Bible
Perfectionism
Your struggle with perfectionism and desire to cover up your weaknesses is killing your ability to experience the power of God's Perfect love. Just hear me out for a second. In an article posted by VeryWell Mind, Elizabeth Scott, PhD, states, “ A perfectionist has "excessively high” personal standards and overly critical self-evaluations. They insist on perfection and accept nothing shy of flawlessness. This can manifest as criticism of self and others and in attempts to control situations and people.” Does any of these characteristics or traits sound familiar to you? If they are familiar, remember that the remedy to perfectionism is to allow God to turn your weaknesses into strengths with His grace, lovingkindness, and mercy.
Perfectionists also tend to possess perceived weaknesses that get in the way of taking a leap of faith, cause procrastination, or reinforce the belief of not being “good enough.” The perceived weakness in your belief system is fueled by negative self-talk. There may also be a tendency to cringe at the thought of your weaknesses being displayed. Or a tendency to try your hardest to conceal your weaknesses with perfectionistic tendencies? There is no shame in acknowledging the cycle, as shame often fuels perfectionism. The shame cycle stems from someone in the past or present who has negatively broadcasted or highlighted your weaknesses. Furthermore, perfectionism attempts to kill the fruits of being in a relationship with God, such as accomplishing dreams and visions He has placed in your heart, experiencing peaceful and joy-filled relationships, and the list goes on. Ultimately, perfectionism attempts to kill the hope of being helped by Christ in moments of weakness.
In the reference scripture, The Apostle Paul talks about “boasting in weakness.” In other words, he was proud of his weakness because he saw it as an opportunity to be strengthened by Christ. If you are reading this and know you are currently struggling with perfectionism, you may be saying to yourself, “How could Paul be proud of being weak?” Let’s talk about Paul’s revelation and how it could help you in defeating perfectionism.
Relationship Is Key
Paul understood the power of relationship. Therefore, to receive this special grace and favor is important to remember that you must have an intimate relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. The relationship is initiated by believing in God, the Father, and Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And then receiving the free gift of the Holy Spirit to guide you on how to live out the characteristics of Christ. It is Jesus’s characters or the “Fruits of the Spirit that will help you to defeat perfectionism. You can only learn someone’s characteristics by spending intimate time with them. So, in this case, it starts with praying and asking the Holy Spirit to help you understand the Bible and to reveal Jesus’s character to you through the scriptures. Through prayer, worship, and other spiritual practices, you will grow deeper in understanding His character and power.
The Power of Grace
Perfectionism is the struggle to receive grace for yourself and extend it to others. However, grace is a superpower that cancels out perfectionism. According to the Strong’s concordance, Grace in Hebrew is defined as G5485 - charis. Specifically, in this context, it refers to “the favor of Christ, assisting and strengthening his followers and ministers to bear their troubles.” God knows and understands that we are humans and encounter struggles. Therefore, He sent Jesus to encounter the human experience so that He could thoroughly understand our experience. Paul understood that this special favor from God would strengthen him, even when he was weak- spiritually, mentally, or emotionally. Grace is the power that gives us access to the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And it is through those fruits that the battle against perfectionism is won.
Defeating Perfectionism with the Fruits of His Spirit.
The Fruits of the Holy Spirit are listed in Galatians 5:22-23 as “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Each fruit, or evidence that the Holy Spirit is at work in your thoughts, feelings, and actions is useful and necessary. However, we are going to focus on the fruits that can defeat perfectionism.
Gentleness and Kindness
You can’t fight fire with fire. So, it’s unproductive to expect to shame yourself into making a change. Shame or critical language sounds like, “I should have accomplished that already.” or “I could have done that so much better.” Shame and critical language is focused on the past. However, gentle and kind language acknowledges an area of weakness but does so realistically. So, alternative statements to the ones listed above would be, “I have not accomplished the goal yet, but I will do this to accomplish it.” or “ That is an area that I am working to improve, so I will do this to improve.” Again, when we are gentle and kind toward ourselves, we acknowledge our faults but do not wallow in them. Paul had an understanding that in his moment of weakness, he would experience the gentleness and kindness of God, which could help him focus on growth and forward progress. And avoid the pitfall of groveling in condemnation, criticalness, and shame.
Self-Control
Self-control gives us the ability to regulate or determine what thoughts will influence our emotions and actions. So, when you think of a thought like , “I should have accomplished that already.” The fruit of self-control gives you the power to do something in psychology that is called “Challenging and replacing.” In the Bible, it is known as “renewing the mind.” 2 Corinthians 10:5, says, “we are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ.” Since perfectimistic stems from holding negative or critical thoughts about yourself and others. The goal is to cancel out those thoughts with the truth of God’s word. You could cancel out the negative thought mentioned above with the scripture, Jeremiah 29:11 Amplified version, which says, “or I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Defeating perfectionism is a daily practice. However, remember that you have the gracious power of the Holy Spirit to help you manage your thoughts. Paul had that revelation, which is why he celebrated his weaknesses.
Love and Patience
These fruits are the ultimate destroyers of Perfectionism. Why? Because when you do not receive patience or love from parents or other important family members in childhood, it reinforces perfectionistic thoughts and tendencies. So, practicing or receiving love and patience is about believing you are worthy of receiving the gifts. If you struggle to believe you are worthy of either of the two, I recommend accessing therapy to talk it out with a mental health professional. However, to ensure that you walk away with practical tips, it will be helpful to start by reading scripture to increase your understanding of God’s love for you. And to understand the amount of patience He extends toward us as His creation. Once you grasp the knowledge, revelation, and understanding, it will be effortless to practice, give, and receive love in any area. Whether that be through your self-talk or the way you speak to others. Paul knew that it was the love and patience of God that allowed him to experience a weak moment, remind himself of God’s love, and then continually think about the power of the two to help strengthen him. Practically, a thought like that might sound like, “I made that mistake because I was not mindful. I can be mindful by ensuring I get enough rest before doing that again.”
Although perfectionism may have tried to kill your ability to experience “Perfect love.” I pray that you have been able to walk away with some insightful knowledge and practical tools that will help you experience a decrease in perfectionistic thoughts and tendencies. You no longer have to feel ashamed or condemned because of your weaknesses. Remember that when you are in a relationship with God, through the sacrifice of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit, He can turn your weakness into a strength that the power of His grace can shine through.
With Love,
Riva
SALVATION
I’d like to believe that everyone who reads this blog has a personal relationship with Jesus, but if you have yet to make it official and just so happened to stumble upon this blog, know that you can establish that relationship and receive all of His Awesome Promises in a few easy steps.
Pray (speak out loud with your mouth) the Salvation Prayer based on the scripture listed below.
Connect to a local church to further your walk and build community.
Read Your Bible as often as possible. Click here to gain ideas on helpful scriptures and Bible plans to read.
Scriptural Reference
9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”
ROMAN 10:9-11
Prayer
LORD JESUS, I CONFESS MY SINS AND ASK FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS. I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD AND DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME AND THEN ROSE IN THREE DAYS. PLEASE COME INTO MY HEART AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR. TAKE COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND HELP ME TO WALK IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS DAILY BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. THANK YOU, LORD, FOR SAVING ME AND FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYER. IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN.
