Perfect Love: The Remedy For Shame

Don’t remember the sinful things I did when I was young. Because you are good, Lord, remember me with your faithful love.

Psalms 25:7 Easy-to-Read Version (ESV)

Shame Cycles

Does shame have you in a cycle of constant sin, fear, and failure? Shame attaches itself to past failures or regrets and then magnifies those sinful experiences. The goal of shame is to increase cycles of sin that decrease closeness with God. If you have experienced or are currently experiencing shame for whatever reason. Then, you know how silent of a killer thoughts and feelings that stem from shame can be on how you act or react. Remember that God’s faithful and perfect love can weaken the thoughts, feelings, and actions that stem from shame.

In the reference scripture, the Psalmist King David, prayed to ask God not to remember the shameful and sinful actions that he committed in his youth. When he prayed the prayer, King David had a deep understanding of how God’s perfect love could cancel the power of shame. David knew that freedom from shame would automatically set him free from operating in cycles of fear, constant failure, and self-defeat. If you have been stuck in cycles of shame, the thought of coming out of the cycle may see impossible. To help you to experience the same freedom King David prayed for, let’s increase your ability to define and identify how shame negatively impacts your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Shame Exposed

According to an article from VeryWell Mind titled, The Psychology of Shame, written by Arlin Cuncic, MA, shame is a “feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises from the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper.” Shame can become a chronic or ongoing experience of emotions that increases thoughts of inadequacy, fear, or in some cases suspicion. Shame then consumes the emotions by increasing feelings of rejection, regret, powerlessness, and hopelessness. Shame is even more malicious, because it tends to hide behind perfectionism, performance, or some sort of false presentation. You will know that shame has really consumed your thoughts and feelings when you are more prone to constantly blaming others, complaining about things you cannot change, and experiencing difficulty forgiving yourself. Next, let’s discuss how shame attempts to attack our identity and relationship with Christ.

Shame On You

Identity Crisis

In the King James Version of Proverbs 23:7 it says, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Therefore, what you think about is what you become. So, let’s expose some common thoughts of shame. Thoughts of shame may sound like, “I should have done this..”, “I could have done that.”, or “I needed to do this.” Shame also says, “Look at you! You always repeat the same mistakes right when something good is going to happen for you. You can’t ever be consistent! You “should have” or “could have” done..” Keep in mind that the goal of shame is to diminish your esteem and self-worth. Remember that accepting the lying thoughts of shame, means undervaluing and overlooking your ability to learn and grow in your understanding of who God intends for you to be.

Messy Emotions

God intended for our emotions to be used as a tool help us to communicate with Him, others, and to better understand who He has created us to be. However, shame attempts to destroy the purity of the process experiencing our emotions in relationship with God. Think about the last time you have felt rejected, regretful, hopeless, and powerless. Those emotions are all consuming and usually lead to self-isolation and self-defeating decision making; sin. When shame is in control of your emotions, it can be difficult to come out of cycles of sin.

Sin Cycles & Self- Defeat

Remember that shame desires to negatively impact your thoughts and emotions so that you will make thoughtless decisions. Some examples of sin led decision making may be Shame also increases the tendency to engage in unrealistically blaming others or yourself for repeated sins. Shame can also increase complaining or murmuring about situations that make you feeling shameful. Shame becomes deadly when it increases difficulty forgiving yourself and others. As I mentioned previously, shame tends to increase thoughtless, sin led decision making such as overindulging in unhealthy vices and addictions. The overall goal of shame is to cause you to believe and behave as if you are defeated and powerless to sin.

Defeating Shame with Perfect Love

A commonly held belief is that He is a distant deity, waiting to shame humanity for all of it’s sinful actions. Contrary to popular belief, it’s in God’s nature to be loving and kind. Others, hold a skewed perception of love that is based on culture, chaotic life experiences, or an overall lack of knowledge. Shame then, has the power to run rapid if there is a lack of understanding of the Perfect love of God. In 1 John 4: 7-11, the Apostle John gives insight and understanding of the character, intent, and purpose of God’s love. Apostle John stated, “9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” Jesus’ sacrifice gave Him the victory of the power of death, hell, and the grave. You can rejoice because it means that you now have the power of shame if you believe in His name and power.

Remember

King David had a revelation of God’s perfect love and it is the reason why he prayed for God to “remember” him with his “faithful love.” If you look at the word “remember” in the Hebrew it means, “to remember individuals with kindness, granting requests, protecting, delivering etc.”, So, to defeat shame with God’s perfect love, it is helpful to pray and ask God to forgive and pardon you with His kindness. A prayer like that not only cancels out negative shame-filled thoughts, but it can also calm your emotions, and stop you from giving into the cycle of sin and self-defeat. God wants to remember you with his perfect love!

Reflect

Now that shame has been exposed, let’s reflect for a moment. Reflection helps to promote awareness of points to target in prayer. So, take your time in reflection and allow the Holy Spirit to highlight what you need to pray. When did the shame begin to torment you? What does the thoughts of shame sound like for you? Does shame disguise itself in the voice of a parent, a family member, friend, or romantic partner? Have you ever found yourself wanting to hide from God when you experience shame?

Perfect Love

God does not desire for you to be confused about your identity, expereince struggles with self-control, low self-esteem, self-defeat, and perfectionism. Your loving Father and Lord and Savior desires for you to be in constant fellowship and communion with Him. As He designed you to be perfectly loved and accepted through the powerful sacrifice of Jesus Christ. So, don’t delay in reflecting and then praying. God is waiting for you to overcome shame and receive access to His unconditional, faithful, and perfect love. Prayerfully, you have read this article and received an understanding of the purpose of shame. My prayer is that you also finish this article with increased hope and strategy with how to defeat shame using prayer and the perfect love of God.

With Love, 

Riva

SALVATION

I’d like to believe that everyone who reads this blog has a personal relationship with Jesus, but if you have yet to make it official and just so happened to stumble upon this blog, know that you can establish that relationship and receive all of His Awesome Promises in a few easy steps.

  1. Pray (speak out loud with your mouth) the Salvation Prayer based on the scripture listed below.

  2. Connect to a local church to further your walk and build community.

  3. Read Your Bible as often as possible. Click here to gain ideas on helpful scriptures and Bible plans to read.

    Scriptural Reference

9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”

ROMAN 10:9-11

Prayer

LORD JESUS, I CONFESS MY SINS AND ASK FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS. I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD AND DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME AND THEN ROSE IN THREE DAYS. PLEASE COME INTO MY HEART AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR. TAKE COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND HELP ME TO WALK IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS DAILY BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. THANK YOU, LORD, FOR SAVING ME AND FOR ANSWERING MY PRAYER. IN JESUS’ NAME. AMEN.

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Perfect Love: The Remedy For Perfectionism